She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
