I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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