That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I could fuck to npr.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
