omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
