I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
