you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
