you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
