I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I am available for nakedness
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
