I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
