just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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