Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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