On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
