he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize