She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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