Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
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