I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
