remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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