He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
