She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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