I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
These tits shall not be calmed
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