u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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