so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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