I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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