I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
