And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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