just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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