Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize