last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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