6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
