I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
