Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
