1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
