I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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