I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
