we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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