o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
