Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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