I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
