Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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