Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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