She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
