You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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