love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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