Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
