i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Randomize
