i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
