god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize