Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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