Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
