I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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