i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
