I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
