I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
