Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize