Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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