Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
