And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
