trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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