there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
