Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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