i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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