Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
