I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
