even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
you never un-have a 4some
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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