I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
