i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
