There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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