Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
