awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
