I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
