We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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