The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
whose ass print is on the piano?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
