No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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