Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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