What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
