Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
