I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
