So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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